Everyone has their own problems, dramas, and insecurities; they’re doing the best they can with what they know. It’s easy to assume that their actions and emotions are all about you, especially if they direct negativity towards you, but it’s unlikely and typically unhelpful.

Other people’s actions are informed by a myriad of forces that have often nothing to do with you, including their beliefs, experiences, upbringing, personality, education, mood, or just whether they’re having a bad day or not.

Being offended, or getting caught up in other’s emotional dramas, usually only serves to inflame the situation. It takes one person’s drama and makes it even bigger by adding your drama. If you weren’t the problem before, you’re very likely the problem now.

Perhaps even more importantly, it limits your options and removes your sense of agency. Rather than do something constructive, you spend your time worrying and catastrophizing. None of this is very consistent with effective leadership.

If you just start from the assumption that it’s not about you, you retain your ability to positively influence almost any situation. You can detach from the drama and chart a course forward.

Inspiration from others

“We see the world not as it is, but as we are.”- Anais Nin

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” – Maya Angelou

Questions to reflect on

  • What could really be going on for them here?
  • What does leadership look like for you right now?
  • Who would you like to be in this moment?

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about PETER

For two decades, Dr. Peter Fuda has been a Sherpa to leaders, teams and organizations across the globe. He’s coached more than 250 CEOs to measurably higher levels of performance. His consulting company has delivered dozens of cases of business transformation and thousands of individual cases of leadership transformation, at a success rate of greater than 90%.

Find out more about Peter

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